According to statistics, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds in the United States. That’s nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year. That’s really huge and well reflects the enormity of pressure facing the institution of marriage in our society today. And if nothing at all, one important lesson I have learned ever since I’ve been married is this: that a happy marriage doesn’t fall from heaven, you WORK at it.
“Marriages may be made in heaven, but a lot of the details have to be worked out here on earth.” – Gloria Pitzer
I’ll illustrate this with a story I read in a book a long time ago. It was about a TV journalist who curiously interviewed a wealthy steel magnate that had 43 millionaires working for him. This reporter quizzed this man as to how on earth he was able to hire that many millionaires. The man patiently explained that the men were not millionaires at the time they were recruited to work for him but that they become millionaires while working for him.
So, the reporter went further to ask this business tycoon how he was able to DEVELOP these men to become valuable and also how he was able to pay them so much that they became millionaires. His reply was this;
“You develop people, in the same way, you mine gold. When you mine for gold, you must literally move tons of dirt to find a single ounce of gold. However, you do not look for the dirt – you look for the gold.“
“A happy marriage begins with a personal commitment to search for and accentuate the gold or good in your spouse.”
Just as in business, so also it is in a marriage relationship. A happy marriage begins with a personal commitment to search for and accentuate the gold or good in your spouse. Surely, not an easy thing to do but definitely the right step in the right direction when you think of marital bliss. This goes without saying that couples can stay happier together by resolving to project each other’s strengths, virtues, genius and brilliance. As opposed to finding faults, flaws and weaknesses which kindles the embers of break-ups.
So, How Do You Make Your Marriage Work?
#1. Make A Decision Not To Find Faults
First things first, decide not to find fault. You must understand that the human nature inherently is quick to picking flaws and finding faults instead of seeing the laudable side of others. Dale Carnegie in his book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ wrote, “Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain ~ and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” So, when dealing with your spouse, remember you are not dealing with a creature of logic but a creature of emotion.
#2. Seize Every Moment To Show Your Appreciation
Familiarity breeds contempt! Hence, never be too familiar to the point of treating your spouse with contempt. Always seize every inch of moment to show your appreciation. Make it a habit and point of duty to compliment every act of kindness. Learn to say ‘Thank you.’ Don’t let ‘I’m Sorry’ be one-sided. These simple things contribute a good foundation for a great marriage. No single act of love should be taken for granted. Don’t allow familiarity to step in the way of recognising the wonders and charms in the one you’ve commit to live the rest of your life with. Look for those treasures within and commend them. It could be as simple as saying, “You smell good!” You look pretty!” “I love the way you smile.” “I’m so blessed to be married to you.” The list is endless…But whatever you do, let it come from the depths of your heart and not just a lip-service.
#3. Never Belittle Your Spouse
It is wisdom to refrain from speaking ills of your husband or wife. So, never belittle or put your spouse down especially in front of others. Rather speak well of your spouse both in the private and in the public. It does a lot of good to your marriage and helps you to build great connections beyond the walls of the bedroom. Do so with passion and energy, with enthusiasm and excitement because it is good and healthy for you.
Benjamin Franklin who was made American Ambassador to France was regarded as so savvy and successful at handling people because he made a decision to speak ill of no one but speak all the good of everyone.
#4. Value & Celebrate Your Diversity
Although, it is true you may have a different personality or orientation of life from that of your spouse. Nonetheless, it should not be a liability but an asset to your marriage. In your diversity is your prosperity! Don’t wait for the big moments to value yourselves, don’t wait till you buy your dream car or house before you start to celebrate your spouse. Instead, start now!
#5. Treat Each Other With Love & Respect
Believe me, it is highly critical to your well-being as a husband or wife that you build your marriage on the platform of mutual love and respect. A good number of marriages have either been crashed or on their way to crashing simply due to the lack of honour and admiration from either or both of the parties. Every married couple should make it a point of duty to treat their spouse with love and respect.
So, what’s the bottomline?
Simple. Stop picking faults and start digging out gold. If you’re married, put these to test and see how they can rekindle the flame of your love for your darling. And if you’re single, keep these info at the forefront of your mind because sooner of later, you’ll find them very handy.